All We Could Have Been by TE Carter

Author:TE Carter
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends

Chapter Twenty-One

It’s quiet in Marcus’s room. We lie on his bed, wrapped in a blanket he dug out of his closet. I’m warm against him, and it seems like winter and the cold night and the stories we shared in the bowling alley might stay outside forever. Until he speaks.

“I heard a rumor about you,” he says.

I hate those words. They’re the sound of my life unfolding again.

“Did you?”

“Nothing bad. I just heard you were with some guy from the drama club.”

I think of Ryan. Of his kindness and his secrets. I can’t tell Marcus about him, but I don’t know if I should feel guilty. If I’m lying to either of them or both of them. While it’s not real with Ryan, if Marcus has heard about him, what’s to stop this from getting back to Ryan? And what does that mean for his normal?

“It’s … it’s not really my place to say what that’s about,” I say. “But it’s complicated. Not in a way that interferes with us. We’re … It’s not at all … It’s not this.”

Marcus nods, his face tickling mine. “But you’re not? I mean, I don’t need to worry?”

“No. You don’t have to worry. I am, but I’m not, and it’s complicated. I can … I’m not…”

“Honestly, it doesn’t matter. I don’t need to know. You’re here. You’re not with some guy from the drama club tonight, and I’m just gonna assume there’s something in that.”

“There’s definitely something in this. This is more than what you’ve heard about me. But if you can keep that between us…”

“Yeah, I really don’t care what anyone at school says. I’m not worried about who thinks what, or what the story people believe is. I just wanted to know. As long as I know,” he says. “But since maybe I wasn’t clear or maybe I hadn’t asked the right way … I’d kind of like … well, I’d be happier if you weren’t involved with some guy from the drama club. For purely selfish reasons.”

I roll over so I’m almost on top of him. “It’s just a story. It’s a story, and it’s only partly mine to tell, or I’d tell you everything. But it’s nothing but a story. And you’re … this…”

“You don’t have to say it. As long as we’re both clear.”

“We’re clear,” I say, kissing him and then settling back into the space between his arm and his body. “I’ve only had one boyfriend. Real boyfriend, anyway. I guess I kind of have a fake boyfriend right now, but there’s only been one guy I’ve kind of liked before.”

“What happened?” Marcus asks.

“We had a glorious two weeks. Until someone found out about my brother, and he couldn’t deal with it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. It wasn’t real anyway. You know, I worried about that with you. I wanted to tell you, because I wanted it to be real. If there was anything, I didn’t want it to be just a story with you.”

“I’m happy you’re here,” he says.

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